Slept like a baby... Really? The real life experiences of parenthood. | The morning feed routine

The morning feed routine

Day: Monday

Time: 1:37am
Extra notes: -1℃ = bloody freezing. Dark outside and snowing.

“Ben. Are you awake?” the sound of my voice as I am woken by Thomas squirming in his moses basket at the side of our bed. “What’s he even doing awake! He slept 7 hours last night! It's only been 4 hours..”

Eyes half open, white fluffy dressing gown wrapped around me as tight as possible to warm up, red polka dot cosy toes slippers on, I make my way to the kitchen to make up a bottle. Just to add, I am freezing cold. Meanwhile, Ben is upstairs, getting Thomas out of his moses basket to go change his nappy. I hear this “aaaaa” noise coming from Thomas as he has woken up in a chatty mood at 1:37AM !! We are kinda used to this now. Broken sleep is our new thing haha.

Heading back upstairs, still half asleep, I have successfully managed to make a 6oz bottle using our FANTASTIC Tommee Tippee Perfect Prep Machine, bottle was already sterilised waiting for me, the water tank on the machine was full and the 6 scoops of formula all measured out in our little pot thingys, were all waiting for me. All I had to do was push a button and shake the bottle to make sure the formula dissolved. Easy-peasy so far right?

Welcomed to cooing and smiles from Thomas, I lift him into my arms for a cuddle to make my way to the chair in his room to feed him, Ben just lets me know that his eye needs bathing as its all gunged up. Yes. Gunky eye is a thing. Poor little guy couldn’t open his right eye.

Ladies, have you ever gone to sleep with mascara on and then woken up and your eyes were all stuck together? If you have then that is what I imagine it to feel like to a baby. Bloody awful.

Bathing his eye with a cotton pad soaked in warm water, Thomas could not keep his legs still, wriggling all over the change table, so I got it done as quick as I could, dried his face off, then made my way to the chair to feed him.

2oz of milk down. No burps. No farts. Yes that is what you want your baby to do while feeding them . I get up and ask Ben to take over, as Daddy seems to get better wind up from him and within seconds, a huge belch comes out of someone so little. It must have hurt him as he cried a little, then the hungry little chunk wanted his bottle so made his trademark noise. The pathetic “ah ah ah” noise. Well that's what we call it as there are no tears and it isn't a cry.

Ben finishes giving him his bottle. Over the shoulder for one last burp and YES he crashes out. BUT that is for seconds, and we hear him crying and fussing while he is trying to head-butt Ben or nuzzle into his soft dressing gown. Either way he was not a happy bunny. This then means a few minutes to an hour (depending on how Thomas is feeling and whether or not he wants to torture mummy and daddy) pacing his room, landing and our bedroom while he relaxes and goes to sleep. We then resort to putting on the blue stars and moons projector, lighting up our bedroom ceiling, well the whole room, so that his eyes get tired watching the star lights move. This works but we also use white noise video on YouTube and play it near his moses basket so he can hear the constant “whooshing” noise, which is meant to sound familiar, like he is in my womb.

Thomas is laid in the basket. Ben wraps his blankets round him, trying to get him to put his arms down to swaddle them in too. Sometimes this is a fail but this morning it was a success. Time for mummy and daddy to go to the toilet, get a drink of water and then go to bed. This means we leave the room for 5 minutes or so, and Thomas is STILL awake, but just laid fidgeting in his moses basket. No crying.

Back into bed we get. Oh this feels like heaven. It's so warm, toasty, relaxing, sile….. Yeah not silent! We then lay in bed, while Thomas makes his “ah ah ah” noises and fidgets listening to him, wishing he would just go to sleep and be quiet so we can sleep. I then realise Ben is fast asleep before Thomas, so then that leaves me wide awake listening to the baby, whooshing white noise and watching the blue stars on the ceiling so I go to sleep.

Day: Monday

Time: 2:26am
Extra notes: Mummy, Daddy and Thomas all in bed. Mummy wide awake. Daddy fast asleep. Thomas half awake half asleep. Mummy thinking when the next wake up will be, and it was 6am as Ben was leaving for work, so not too bad. I managed to get some sleep.  

Love
Kelley-Jay Louise M

Wednesday 6th December: My labour and delivery story - Welcome to the world baby boy.

Wednesday 6th December 2017

The day our lives changed

3:45am - First wake up
Both me and my partner woke up (strangely at the same time) to both go to the toilet. I felt perfectly fine (apart from sickness) and then got back into bed and dozed off back to sleep.

4:15am - Signs I was in labour

I woke back up after falling asleep for a short time, this time it wasn't the sickness making me feel off. It was the pains! Sharp, stabbing pains like those of very severe period cramps. I eventually woke Ben up, while I was stood bent over the bed (the only position that was comfy) and said to him "I think he's coming, but I aren't sure. Its just bloody painful!" We then spent the hour deciding what to do as the pains were getting more sharp and painful, but happening at irregular times.

5:15am - Calling the hospital
Now crouched on the floor at the side of the bed, I managed to somehow pass my phone to Ben to get him to call the hospital. When we got through to someone on the phone, they wanted to speak to me to find out what was happening. I started to explain that I was getting severe cramping pains, like period cramps and was feeling hot. They were happening for around 30-40seconds at a time with gaps of 1 minute - 5 minutes between. They advised over the phone to take paracetomal and have a warm bath as the contractions I was experiencing weren't at a regular pattern. My mum then got a phone call saying I was coming down and needed her to run me a bath as I was in labour.

5:30am - Packing hospital bag
Now baring in mind we had only spent 5 nights in our new home, it was now time to make sure I had everything for going to the hospital. A lot of things were still in boxes which I needed some of, but me and Ben, well just Ben, packed my hospital bag. Now this was the time to be a fly on the wall in our bedroom haha...... Picture this. Me in my mismatching pyjamas, crouched over on the floor at the side of the bed, NOT MOVING FROM THE FLOOR, trying to instruct Ben as to where I thought things were I needed to put in the small suitcase I was using as my hospital bag, all while taking breathers while having contractions. During the contractions I NEVER spoke! I was in the zone, keeping my breathing controlled.

6:00am - Time to get in the car to my mums house
Between contractions I said to Ben, "Right. After this contraction I am going to go down the stairs to the living room and get to the floor for the next one. Then after that I will let the next contraction pass, then get my shoes and coat on. After the next contraction passes, I will then need a hand getting into the car. OK!" The last contraction ended and I grabbed Ben and we stumbled as quick as I could to the car, in the freezing cold, pitch black, and eventually managed to sit in a very awkward position in the front seat. We then drove 2 minutes down the road to my mums house.

6:15am - Mum's house, demanding to go to the hospital
As soon as I got into my mums house, I plunged to the living room floor, on all fours, silently waiting for the contraction to pass, when my mum spoke to Ben, as she tried talking to me and I just ignored her. I was determined to stay in "the zone" when I was having a contraction, keeping as calm as possible and putting all my focus on the breathing. Eventually I got to the bath (mum has a big P shaped bath, I could have used as a birthing pool haha, as I could spin around in it and try and get comfy. Sitting in the bath lasted a very short time, as I was saying to Ben and my mum, I need to get to the hospital. The pains were getting more intense and regular and both my mum and Ben were timing them. They were regular and more frequent now, which is when the lady on the phone said to go to the hospital. I then crouched on all fours on the bathroom floor, after A LOT of DEMANDING I got Ben to ring the hospital to explain how I was doing and that everything seemed to be happening very quickly. All while this was going on, I woke my sister up as she wondered what the chuff was going on as she could hear me groaning through the pains. Oooops.

7:30 - Getting to and arriving at the hospital
Ben drove to the hospital, mum in the back seat and me in the passenger seat, bucket between my legs in case I was sick, gripping the dashboard through every single contraction I was having. They were painful, there is no lying about it.

We arrived at the hospital and mum took me in to get a wheel chair as I was unable to walk through the contractions, while Ben went and parked the car, as he just dropped us outside the main doors. We got to the maternity assessment ward and they wanted to take my "obs" and check to see how far dilated my cervix was. Sorry if this is TMI, but they attempted and I wouldn't let them as I wasn't comfortable now between contractions and I needed pain relief. I was then taken to the labour ward, and got into a room where I had to change into a gown and have a cannula inserted in my arm in case I needed any fluids or bloods. After 4 attempts they got a cannula in, I hate them, I hate needles so wasn't good. I however had gas and air as soon as I got into that room. The midwife then checked how dilated I was and I was 8cm. (Ideally I needed to be 10cm before pushing).

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11:33 - The baby has arrived.
The moment in time we welcomed our little baby boy to the world. I have skipped to this bit as you don't want to know all the itty-bitty-details, but overall everything went fine, I just had gas and air as pain relief and unfortunately had to have stitches as the little monster decided he wanted to bring his arm out with his head at the same time haha! Now that wasn't funny at the time at all. The pain was INTENSE but I just had to literally push through the pain, as well as doing breathing control exercises (will talk about that another time). Also there was a small panic when the midwife said he had done a poo inside me.... yes that really does happen!! But Ben kept me calm all the way through. I shocked myself at how calm I was, as I am petrified of hospitals and pain, but all you can think of as a woman giving birth to get you through the pain is that you will be able to meet that bundle of joy you have been growing in your tummy for 9 months.  



His name didn't settle with us until we were home from the hospital. I stayed in 2 nights, so not too long, but was glad to be home. Say hello to Thomas Ross Marsden everyone. He has now turned our family of 2 into 3 and we are so thankful and happy he is here. Honestly, if you are worrying about giving birth, remember that you will meet that little bundle of joy soon and it will be all over and you can cuddle and kiss them to your hearts content.

Love
Kelley-Jay Louise M

Hashtag: #ImAParentAnd

#ImAParentAnd

Now you will be wondering what on earth this is, but this is my hashtag I have created for parents to share their stories and images showing that they are a parent AND.......

For example, I'm a parent and...

• I'm a daughter
• I'm a sister
• I'm a fiancé
• I'm a friend
• I love baking
• I love writing
• I love travelling
• I love shopping
• I love donuts
• I'm a happy person
• I love handbags

The list could go on......

But you get the idea. You are never just a parent. At times it definitely feels like I am just the mummy (and for Ben the daddy) but we are so much more than that. It is easy to loose yourself while your world has been turned upside down (for the good) by becoming a parent, but its important to remember there is always time for YOU to be YOU!!!

Please use the hashtag #ImAParentAnd on your social media, sharing with us what YOU ARE as well as being a parent. I (and other parents) are certainly looking forward to reading your stories that you share with us. 

IMPORTANT - COMPETITION

I am going to be picking 5 people who use the hashtag #ImAParentAnd and tag me either on Instagram or Twitter to ask them more about parenthood and see if they will be willing to share their story with the world. 

I hope you get involved in the hashtag and link my Twitter @kelleyjaylouise and my Instagram kelleyjaylouisem so I can read everything and pick 5 people to share more about their ands.....

Love

Kelley-Jay Louise M

Back to blogging. Why I want to do this.

Hello again, long-time no speak (well post!) How are you doing?

Last year I started blogging when I found out I was pregnant as I wanted to be able to launch a lifestyle, family and beauty blog, to document my journey through the pregnancy, starting with finding out I was pregnant, how we revealed the gender of the baby to our family and the labour and delivery experience and the little bits in between along the way. This all got too much for me as I had a very down pregnancy, suffering with morning sickness throughout what felt like the whole 9 months, every single hour of the day, so at the end of the year I gave up. As well as the pregnancy taking it out of me, making me drained and tired 80% of the time, we (Ben and I) decided the best thing to do was to go and buy a house.

What were we thinking?!!

Major life events of last year:

• Planning our 2018 wedding 
• Growing a tiny human inside me 
• Buying our first house to turn into a family home 

THEN OUR LITTLE BABY BOY CAME EARLY ON 6TH DECEMBER!

Yes you could say I wasn't very relaxed last year with everything going on all at once haha!

Fast forward to now (February) as I am writing this post, we have got around 6 months until the wedding, have a happy and healthy 2 month old baby boy and are kinda settled into our new family home. (still things in boxes and some renovating and decorating to complete).

I want to launch up a blog again, to be able to share our journey as a family of 3. We are getting married, first time parents and officially home owners. To be able to have somewhere to document the things we get up to, trips we take, things I love (beauty and fashion) and share our parenting experiences, as well as the BIG events like our wedding day, I am deciding to record all of this on my blog Kelley-Jay Louise M, my twitter @kelleyjaylouise, my Instagram @kelleyjaylouisem and sometime in the future in videos, my YouTube channel.

To be able to look back on special things with my soon to be husband and go back and show my child his life as he grows up, when he is older and for me to look back on the memories, I really like the idea of being able to do that. Also I hope some of my experiences, advice and things I learn will be something that you (my readers) will enjoy reading too and hopefully learn something as well. So say hello to this blog.

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Primarily, this blog will be divided into 3 categories, LIFESTYLE, PARENTING and BEAUTY but within those will be lots of different topics, life events and other relatable posts. The About page on my blog will tell you more. 

Thank you for sticking with me and reading this far along, I hope you will enjoy looking into my life, our family life and such and I hope you gain something from the experiences and posts I write. 

To read some of the posts I brought from my previous (now deleted) blog click on the titles below.

1. Finding out I was pregnant
2. First trimester update
3. Finding out the gender of our baby. Heels or Wheels?
4. Trying on wedding dresses: My experience and tips and advice for brides to be
5. A thank you letter to my fiance

Love,
Kelley-Jay Louise M

A thank you letter to my fiancé

During this pregnancy I really don't think I would cope without Ben by my side, supporting me no matter what. This post is a memory for you and I to look back on, to show you how much I appreciate everything you have helped me with.

♥Thank you for saying YES we can do this♥

When I initially found out I was pregnant I was terrified of becoming a mum and didn't think I could be a parent. You were the one who spoke to me over those first few days and made me realise, YES we CAN do this! YES we WILL be good parents to our child. And I thank you so much for those conversations as if not I wouldn't now be looking forward to meeting our little boy, excited to see him in December.

♥Thank you for dealing with my morning sickness♥

Holding my hair back, hearing me puke at all times of the day/night, seeing me crumble in tears wishing the sickness away. You were there no matter what, even when you had to jump out of bed at 1am to get me a bottle of water, bring me paracetomal or a cold wet flannel. No matter what you was there.

♥Thank you for wiping my tears♥

Whether I  was crying in pain, during sickness or having an anxiety attack, you were always patient with me, holding me telling me not to worry and that everything will be okay. Putting up with my hormones especially must be hard as one moment I'm fine, the next I am a mess because of anything, but your always there.

♥Thank you for bonding with baby♥

No matter how many times I bugged you saying "quick, baby is kicking, put your hand there" for only you to not feel any kicks for a few weeks, you still did it. I remember the first time you felt him kick and saw him push at my belly and that smile I will never forget. Thank you for being a super cool daddy to our little boy, even though we haven't seen him yet.

♥Thank you for putting US first♥

You have always made me feel like a priority, "your girl" no matter what. Cosy nights in and fun days out, you always make sure I am okay and that we are having a good time. Even after a mini argument we cuddle and remember that we are the foundations of the family we are starting to build.

♥Thank you for your support♥

Coming to antenatal appointments, been there at the scans and getting to the hospital quicker than l could ever imagine. Holding my hand when we had our first scan as I panicked so much. Thank you for spending 4 hours at the hospital after I had a severe anxiety attack and helping me get the help I need.

Thank you for been the fiancé to me when I am having a bad day. Thank you for been daddy to your son. Thank you for been the counsellor when I need to talk to someone. Thank you for been the nurse when I am in pain at stupid o'clock or puking up. Thank you for just been you. I am so happy our son will be made up of half of me and half of you, as I know he will be a great man when he is older, just like YOU!

Lots of love,

Kelley xx (and bump ♥)

Trying on wedding dresses: My experience and tips and advice for brides to be

Today is one year until I become Mrs Marsden! Wow just 1 year to go and I am so excited. We got engaged on December 25th 2015, all explained in my Wedding planning 2016 summary post here and time has flown by and I have found THE DRESS !

For me when I had let it sink in that I was going to be a bride, I knew straight away the style of dress I wanted to have, a ball gown style, that was sparkly and white. I dream of being a princess on my wedding day and I was dead set on the gown I found when I was browsing through Pinterest and wedding dresses and gaining inspiration from different designers. Here are a few tips for trying on wedding dresses and a few sneaky photos of a couple of the dreamy princess dresses I tried on. A girl can dream right?

1. Don't take too many people

I knew straight away that I wanted 5 people to be involved in trying on wedding dresses from the start and then I thought those 5, plus me would be too much all at once in a bridal boutique, as most are quite small, I wanted to split up the experience so it was more intimate. If you take too many people, that means a lot of voices with different opinions and contrasting looks one their faces which will be too much for you to take in at once when stood in a dress. As long as you are comfortable and let everyone have a say, EVEN if its not something you want to hear, it keeps everyone involved.

2. Have a budget in mind

Yes you walk into a store filled with beautiful gowns and you fall in love with one, but the price tag is way outta your league, what do you do? Don't let yourself even look at the dresses that are out of your budget. Decide who is paying for the dress and discuss the maximum budget. There is no point in getting yourself all in love with a dress you simply cannot afford.

3. Have a style in mind, but be open to others

This one is a bit contradicting, but have a style in mind of what you like. If you like fitted, lace dresses let the bridal consultant know at your appointment, but also try on big huge puffy ball gowns, as you never know, you may change your mind about what you THINK you like compared to what you ACTUALLY love on you.

4. Read the contract fine print -GET INSURANCE

If you purchase a dress read the fine print in the contract between you and your bridal boutique. Most stores I went to (including the one I am getting my dress from) ask for half the price at booking the dress, and then the remaining balance between 7-14 days of the dress arriving at their store. When the dress is yours once you have paid the full amount, bridal boutiques have storage off their premises for gowns that are brides property, but they aren't covered on their own insurance if they get damaged, so make sure you insure your dress and store it at home and then it is covered in your insurance that you have taken out.

5. Trust your instincts

If you are stood in a dress and everyone is telling you it looks gorgeous and say its the one, and you don't feel it, don't say yes! Even if you bring family or friends to tears during the appointment, remember it is your dress and how you feel in it, is just as important as how you look. When you find the one you will know and you WONT want to try anything else on. Trust me, I know.

Now for a little extra, here are a few photos of 2 dresses I tried on from a collection that I loved but I just couldn't say yes to. Ben, if you see these, it doesn't matter, just remember, neither of these dresses made the cut!

Do you have any tips or advice for brides to be? Leave them as a comment on the post below.

Kelley-Jay Martin

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Finding out the gender of our baby. Heels or Wheels?

 

Well, I'm sure most of you have heard by now, or will see from the picture above, but we found out the gender of our baby. It was mainly me who wanted to know the gender, I was dead set on finding out and Ben agreed we should. Finding out that the bump inside me was a little man was one of the best things about the pregnancy. Either way, if the gender was male or female, we wouldn't have minded, the baby would still be loved no matter what, but the excitement of finding out what terror was kicking around in my belly like a gymnast was amazing. 

We had a little fun on our social media and asked friends and family to vote in a mini survey I created, guessing if it was "heels" for a girl or "wheels" for a boy. Yes, some of you may say this is stereotyping male and female gender, but this was just a little fun way for people to guess. You can see from the images used, I used a 4x4 truck for the "wheels"/boy guess as that is what Ben is known for and I used "heels" as the girl option as I love my heeled shoes and boots. We thought it would be a fun way to get people to guess, rather than using boy/girl or he/she etc.

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Monday 24th July came round very quickly, and I was so excited. All I had to do was work from 8am until 11:15am and then I could leave to go to the hospital and have our scan at 12:10pm. We arrived at the Maternity Assessment Centre at our local hospital and went and sat in the waiting room until they called my name. Listening to the conversations of other people in there who were having their 20 week scan was surreal, as so many people were saying the same things... "Should we find out the gender?", "How do we tell people what the gender of the baby is?" and such conversations were happening all around us. Some people had gone as a couple and then others had family members with them, whether that be their children they had already, or their parents, asking them whether or not they should find out.

My name was finally called and we went into the scan room, and a lovely sonographer conducted the scan. (The gel they use when performing the scan was sooooo cold and so was the room, it was FREEZING!) but the sonographer advised they keep the rooms cool as most mums to be are warm. Now I haven't been cold in a long time, but that room was like a fridge haha!

Anyway, she checked the heart beat, brain, spine, limbs and everything else she needed to do, before asking if we wanted to see what we were having. Just as she was measuring the baby, they swung their "chunky" thigh (the sonographers description) up and she paused the screen so she could take a measurement. 3cm long the femur was. That seemed quite big, especially when she said "chunky" haha!

She moved around scanning the baby and then we looked at the screen as she said you can see what the gender is now in this view. It was a bum shot of the baby, between the legs. I could see clear as day that there was something their and asked Ben if he could see. He said he couldn't, but I think he could kinda. I looked at the lady performing the scan and sort of asked for confirmation, "is that what I think it is?" and she said "yes that looks like a little willy there". Now she couldn't say for certain, as the NHS staff aren't allowed to do so, but it was clear, that I was having a baby boy.

We then finished the scan, sat back in the waiting room while we waited for the images to be printed and then we could go home. The agreement was, we weren't telling ANYONE at all the gender of the baby until the Sunday when we went out for a Sunday lunch with family and friends. This meant Ben got the hyperactive, excited me, in the car journey all the way home, as I knew we would see my mum more or less straight away, so I had to get my excitement out one way or another. I'm sure he really loved me for that car journey home haha.

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Sunday 30th July came and we could finally let family and friends know the gender. Sunday dinner was booked for 1pm at a local pub/restaurant and there were 16 of us. Ben (and I kinda helped) made a BLUE sponge cake on Saturday as we said that is how we wanted to reveal the gender to everyone else. Everyone was banned from our house that day so they couldn't see the colour of the cake haha! We took that along with balloons, seating plan cards and a little sign that said Heels or Wheels to the pub to add a bit of decoration.

Here are a few pictures from the lunch. 6 people said boy and 8 people said girl. I wish I had kept the guesses now as I cant remember who said what..... Everyone was over the moon and me, Ben and baby all got a few gifts from family which are shown below. 2 baby record books, milestone cards and a hand knitted cardigan, booties, mittens and the most adorable pompom hat in blue and white.

I just want to say a really big thank you to the family and friends who shared this special day with us and both Ben and I enjoyed it so much. Time for you all to start fighting over who is babysitting as we know a lot of you want a chance haha !!

Kelley-Jay Martin

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